i am scared of life. for life. there is this warmt |

i am scared of life. for life. there is this warmth in my heart and a pain so hard to bear travelling up my throat. my voice comes out like my nails i gnaw at. i don't talk anymore. i spit out what i want to say and i have nothing to say; but i do have this world to gobble and choke on. i put my fingers on my throat and run them over, in circles and straight lines and in circles again. no relief. blobs of deformed nameless presence weighs me down. i stand up yet i don't. i don't. i don't and i don't. i repeat and regress. if this form of helplessness has been described inch by inch by people and poets and writers and people again, then where do i find manuscripts-- the ones loaded with a thousand ways to escape this cluster? if there's any. why isn't there any? i am choking on my own breath and i know history has seen people like me, pushed them forward but can someone please let in the secret of moving forward? #thirtynine

i am scared of life. for life. there is this warmt

Hemalatha G