I have a messed up confession I have a desperate

I have a messed up confession I have a desperate obsession An obsession with a man from gold and silver dust That makes every nerve in my body tingle with lust. He is made up of dreams and hopes Inter twining and wrapping around me like ropes I’m lost and desperate These unknown emotions I can’t interpret I feel like I am busy going insane Never in my life did I feel so damn lame Hopeless and lost in this mental insanity All that I wish for now is clarity Why now? And how? How am I suppose to get through this maze of unknown feelings What kind of devil dealings Can I make to forget and suppress This memory and vision in my head expressed Your beautiful face running through my mind Like a hungry dog trying for a piece of bread to find How can I have any believe or culture This obsession to be near you, clawing at me like a hungry vulture I suddenly feel lost and empty A deadly virus got a hold of me that has no remedy Broken, confused and frustrated The pain I feel is clearly in my eyes illustrated I lost you before I could’ve even had the pleasure of having you I lost the battle before I could’ve even tried fighting Now I am standing here alone and sad looking like a sadistic fool Each thought of you painfully striking You are not mine to find I catch myself constantly trying to remind You are everything I ever dreamed of my whole life But now as unfair and hateful this world is I have let go for you to strive Let go the one and only thing I ever so desperately craved and yearn for Another beautiful broken soul I have to watch walk out the door Narcissist is my damn life Optimist is what I’m so hopelessly trying to strive Sadistic is how my mind feels for not having you Realist is so damn unfortunate, but relevantly always true Confusion is my way of living now For I have found at last what I have always begged for But lost like a beautiful lady lost her youth on a single deep frown You were thrown at me like a tempting deceitful lure Just so I can be caught off guard once again by this dreadful world This is so wrong, so unfair it makes me feel so icy... so cold Please remember me I scold at the dark cold sky Pleading that these words will be whispered close to you Shouting at the stars for not letting me be the one who next to you lie Cursing the gods that allowed me to live this cursed dreadful live like a stupid fool Beautiful, I have waited, begged and pleaded for you since I can remember But again I have lost and lay down my guns to surrender I have fought many inner secluded private wars with this world But this war with you was unfair and ended like a horror movie with a lot of gore. Please forgive me for sounding so dramatic, my dream But inside I want to disintegrate into dust and my heart wants to scream I knew you before I even were aware of your existence And now knowing you belong to someone else is an utter cruel acceptance How am I to live now knowing that my dream, my wish, my heart desire is reality But not mine to hold tight, kiss good night or be my true clarity This feels like a sick joke Like the gods held my heart and watched it slowly broke Laughing at the ridiculous helpless tears that fell from my eyes Like stars slowly falling from the night skies This pain is excruciating And I am honestly trying so damn hard to try and smile Not to allow anyone from insinuating But this smile feels like a slithering cold reptile Thinking of you is like attempting suicide Like a cold sharp blade over and over again over my heart slide This is hurting me more than I have hurt in a long time Messed up confession

Matriarch Sudre